Seeking to live with his biological father is not the solution now | Local News


DR. WALLACE: I’m 14 and live with my mom and step-dad. My new stepfather adopted me and because of that I use his last name.

My biological dad said he didn’t want anything to do with me. I haven’t seen him since I was 5 years old. My stepdad is very strict and teaches me about all the bad things that can happen to me if I smoke, drink or do drugs.

I usually ask my mom if I can go somewhere or do something and she will say yes, but my step dad will say no if he hears us. Because my stepfather is the man of the house and makes all the decisions, whatever he says goes. So that means he can cancel my mom’s response.

I always wondered who my real father was. Maybe I would like to live with him these days if I can find him. Of course, I love my mom, but I’m starting to hate all the rules my stepdad puts on me.

I think I’m old enough now at 14 to know who my real father is. What do you think i should do I would like to find my real father and move in with him. – Unhappy with my stepfather, by e-mail

UNHAPPY ABOUT MY FATHER: It’s only natural for you to be curious about your biological father, but I caution you not to fantasize that he is the answer to all of your problems. He abandoned you and apparently never looked back, after all. You should also consider that he may not be able, emotionally or financially, to support you with him. I encourage you to research it, but wait until you’re 18, and preferably no longer living at home. If you’re still curious at this point, you’ll also be in a better mental position to prepare for a possible face-to-face meeting.

Being a step-parent is not an easy task. Your stepfather has accepted you as his daughter and he thinks he’s doing what he thinks is best for you. No parent is perfect, but when your stepfather makes a decision that you don’t like, you dismiss him as “only” a step-parent. Frankly, his lectures on smoking and alcohol sound reasonable to me. Maybe when you are 18 you will see the picture a little more clearly and appreciate it for agreeing to raise with your mom in your household together, which your biological dad, for some reason, has. avoid.

When it comes to her rules, see if you can sit down with your mom and ask her to help you put together a set of rules that you, your mom, and your stepdad can all agree to in terms of curfews, socializing and spending time with friends. of your home. As you get older, these rules should gradually loosen up a bit. I still believe that a family would benefit from sitting together to set up some overarching “ground rules” so that each individual case does not need to be debated and leads to temporary elation or frustration.

A fair set of rules could be a great asset to your family, and it would likely help your situation a lot. See if you can start this discussion and start with your mom alone before you both sit down with your stepdad.

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